Sex is not an act, not a show of prowess or skills. Although it’s a means to making new babies, but essentially, it’s a form of emotional communication. In this many inaudible words are communicated, some uncommon and unregistered languages are spoken by the most attentive partner.
You will notice a level of cooperation between both parties allow or ensure that the other party participate well without having to be told what to do.
When this communication is going on, both partners are enjoying it, presumably if there are no INIBITIONS, the man’s way of showing his blessing is the satisfaction he derives and shows through the quantum of cream he releases. If a woman was able to stop him just 1 minute before this blessing, he would be unrest for another few hours. The reason is, because of the ecstasy, he is at a spiritual height where all he need to offer his blessing had been ordered, in transit and about to be delivered. At this point if you stop him, he would be willing to negotiate with you, so much if you want him to sign a cheque at this stage, he w’d not think twice.
Its about the communication, the mental, psychological, emotional and verbal. Its not about new gymnastic styles, rather is about letting your body and mind do most of the discussion, your mouth can then consolidate by putting a seal of assurance.
May people have sex, without making love. The man’s heart is not with his wife or the reverse, the physical actions/presence doesn’t matter if your heart isn’t in the right place.
This topic has become a sensitive issues to be discussed in church, amongst believers as they might think otherwise. But the truth must be taught and spoken regardless of how people may interpret it and label my person. The truth is I am a Family Mentor, a counsellor of many years experience. In my encounter with many of my clients most of the complains have bothered on the premise of Relationship, Marriage and sex. The latter dominate 90% of the concern.
Therefor I am going to use this opportunity to address some of this issues in phases. Some of the issues I will speak about will indict one person or the other, without prejudice. I stand to be corrected if you do not like my tones of argument or discussion but however, I believe I am not set out to upset any particular specie.
I will try and use very decent words, that will not trigger unnecessary thought or imagination and offend your persona.
Sex must not be done in a hurry. Just like it’s not good to eat or drink in a hurry, or communicating in a hurry. It doesn’t stop when the man is satisfied or when the woman feels she is OK.
It’s what happens after the first 45-50 mins after both parties have enjoyed the physical connection, the communications, the honor, the respect, the values, and many more, all these culminates into what we call love.
Sometime, it may even be the moment of repenting genuinely, telling each other sorry about the past, forgiving each other, talking about the future, assuring each other, renewing your commitment or vow to one another, promising each other to make life around the two parties, your home, families, friends, enemies, business, health, food, bills, needs and wants, the list is inexhaustible, worthy. Everything is important and they all have their place but your wife or your husband comes first after your God.
Everybody loves to have the sense of knowing he or she is special, the first above all other necessities. Sometimes when you say it casually many times, your spouse may not hear or understand it. Because you might be saying a good thing at a wrong time.
But when you say it at this special moment; she is more likely to believe you. Also, don’t forget that sex opens up not only your bodies but your mind and soul. That’s why it’s a special moment to communicate.
You may ask, what do you communicate? It’s a good question, but I am going to help you by allowing you to discover what to communicate and how; during sex.
If you are a woman, remember that most men do not communicate like you and vice versa. So when you think its going to be verbal assurance it might be emotional, mental or others.
People speak in three ways. They only speak 30% audible, 30% inaudible ways of communication and the rest 40% is through their actions. Sometime for example, quietness could be a form of communication, just as much as behavior is another form, I can go on these no.
Good positive vibes is the key. Not negative repulsive and offending words. I hear from my clients today that some men speak vulger and call their spouses stupid names during sex, this should not be encouraged in anyway. Example, if you say to your spouse,’ I am not enjoying sex with you anymore, or you have suddenly become old and inactive, or jokingly say, ‘ some young guys out there are a lot better than you’. Or your body smells awful or you mistakenly call him/her another persons’ name or compare her with one of your ex mates. Be honest, would you expect him or her to be happy and thankful after sex?!
There is nothing positive in that, even if you meant it for good, you might not be out to insult or offend her, but you have just acted foolishly by not communicating like a matured person.
There is always a place and a time to discuss different issues, and discuss it in a more matured manner, rather than spoiling each other’s mood.
Always remember, sex is like an emotional drug that opens the veins and arteries in your body, so that your ear and that of your spouse may be filled with joy, happiness and good sense of satisfaction.
If all these are missing, it becomes a mechanical connection without an enabling emotional connection. I spoke to some of my clients who pay for sex, and I asked how do they feel about those ladies after they are gone?!, they all said ,’no strings attached, its only a business’.
You don’t feel connected?, so I asked again, then what was the gain? –Allow me to tell you detail of this in my next teaching.
Back to where we were before the digression. Sexual comms.